What Is This Feeling?
by The Luna Complex
Summary: What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame... does it have a name? Songfic to 'What Is This Feeling' from the musical Wicked.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, Elphaba, Galinda, or any of those nice people. How sad.**

**Dedication: My dearest Tonks because I swear this song could be her theme song.**

**A songfic to 'What Is This Feeling' ****from the musical 'Wicked'.**

**I thought I'd try something new this time by putting the lyrics after their corresponding section.**

**o.o**

Frantically, I scanned the station another time. It had to be here _somewhere..._

"Lily," a voice came from behind me, startling me slightly, "I don't think it's here."

"But _mum_," I whined, choking back tears, "It _has_ to be!"

"Excuse me," a small, timid voice interrupted us. "Are you looking for platform nine and three-quarters?"

"Yes!" I breathed, excitedly, turning to face the small dirty blonde who looked to be about my age.

"Follow me," he smiled.

He led me to platform nine... or platform ten... I couldn't really tell. We were more... at the wall in-between the two.

"Just do as I do," he assured me.

I watched as the young boy gripped his cart and started speeding straight towards the wall.

"Wait!" I exclaimed, a bit too late. He didn't hear me.

But, instead of crashing into wall and possibly breaking a few bones like I thought he would, he simply phased through the wall.

"Um?" I looked back at my mother confusedly.

"It's worth a try..." she said, hesitantly.

Gulping, I grabbed my cart and broke into a run towards the wall. As I neared the wall, I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable collision.

"You can open your eyes now," a familiar voice teased.

I slowly opened one eye to find myself face to face with the boy who mysteriously disappeared through the wall. I immediately squeezed it shut again.

"I... didn't crash?"

"No," he laughed.

That was when I decided to fully open my eyes and take in my surroundings.

I was at a loss for air, much less words. The scarlet steam engine and the plethora of witches and wizards in their eccentric clothing astounded me. I had never seen anything like it.

"If this is how you react to the platform, I can't wait until we get to the castle."

I turned around to face the smiling boy. He had dimples and kind eyes. I felt like I could get along with this boy, whoever he was.

"Lily," I said without thinking. "My name is Lily. Lily Evans."

"And I'm Remus," the still-smiling boy responded, "Remus Lupin."

**o.o**

Remus was right. The castle was a _thousand_ times more breathtaking than the platform.

Everything in that moment felt so... surreal.

It was almost magical in itself, never mind that the whole reason we were currently floating to the magnificent castle was to _learn_ magic.

Suddenly, something hard hit me in the head.

And that's when the moment ended.

"Oi, you, throw me back the ball will you?"

I turned to face my offended when I found myself literally face to face with a pair of bright, hazel eyes.

After a short moment, the hazel eyes backed themselves up until they formed a face. A face complete with a jet-black hurricane of hair and two small dimples on either side of a large smirk.

"You're kind of pretty, you know."

Suddenly, something completely foreign overcame me.

**o.o**

_What is this feeling  
So sudden and new  
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you?_

**o.o**

My insides went totally haywire.

Something white and blinding completely clouded my vision. I felt my heart rate increase dramatically, all of my blood rushing to my head, reddening my cheeks and flooding my brain, dizzying me.

**o.o**

_My pulse is rushing  
My head is reeling  
My face is flushing_

**o.o**

"James Potter."

At the moment, I couldn't exactly make sense of what he was saying. The words 'James' and 'Potter' both sounded so foreign to me.

All I could say in response was a sputter of unrecognizable gibberish.

"Um, are you okay?" he asked, hesitantly.

What on earth had come over me?

Since when have I _ever_ been this coherent?

What was this is feeling pulsating throughout every vein of my very existence?

Did it even have a name?

Oh, now I recall...

**o.o**

_What is this feeling?  
Fervid as a flame  
Does it have a name?  
Yes!_

**o.o**

Loathing. Unadulterated loathing. **(1)**

I immediately hated everything about this kid.

I hated everything from his perfectly placed smirk to his expensive-looking robes.

His voice had to be one of the most obnoxious things I had ever heard to make matters worse.

It was too confident and overbearing and just unbearable to listen to.

More than anything though, it was his haughty attitude and the general 'I'm better than you' vibe he gave off.

**o.o**

_For your face  
Your voice  
Your clothing  
Let's just say I loathe it all_

**o.o**

As the school year progressed, I found myself irked by him more and more.

Every single thing he did drove me up a wall.

And, to make matters worse, my new friend Remus that I had made at the platform had crossed over to the dark side and began spending all of his time with the boy.

Potter.

Just the thought of him made my skin crawl.

"He's not that bad, Lily," Remus always tried to explain to me, "He just takes some getting used to."

My response was always the same: a glare and a change of subject.

I could think of millions... no billions of reasons not to stick around James Potter to give him some... getting used to.

**o.o**

_Every little trait, however small  
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl  
With simple utter loathing_

**o.o**

Probably the top of that list, though I would never admit it, would be the strange high I got whenever we fought.

And oh, boy, did we fight.

Loud shouting matches that echoed through the hallways of the esteemed castle. Shouting matches that would continue to echo through those hallways for nearly seven years.

The pulsating rush of hot blood rushing through every vein and capillary that made my vision swirl and cloud into a red wall of heat and fiery passion was a natural high for me. I just couldn't get enough.

Every day I would find something to jump on him about.

To most of the student population, I was just looking to pick fights.

The sad thing was, it was true and I knew it.

But I couldn't help it.

The thrill of the battle had me hooked.

**o.o**

_There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation  
It's so pure! So strong!_

**o.o**

Through most of my time spent at Hogwarts, I believed I would loathe him this way forever.

The shouting matches quickly progressed from weekly occurrences, to daily occurrences, to nearly hourly occurrences.

The initial high I had experienced those first few years of my school life here at Hogwarts had slowly faded away until all I was left with was a tiresome routine of bitter feelings and a charade of hatred.

After a particular battle near the end of our fifth year, he had really calmed down and I had no need to hate him as I did.

Our shouting matches had turned into me yelling at him over him something stupid, and him just standing there with an unreadable expression on his face.

But I wouldn't relent. I refused to relent. Possibly the stubborn redhead in me.

I would keep up this charade of loathing for the rest of my life.

**o.o**

_Though, I do admit it came on fast  
Still, I do believe that it can last  
And I will be loathing  
For forever loathing  
Truly, deeply, loathing you  
For my whole life long_

**o.o**

"Boo!" **(2)**

A very pregnant Lily Potter nearly fell out of her seat.

"What was that for?" she snapped, slamming the book she was writing in closed and turning to glare at her smirking husband.

"Geez, Lily," he said, pretending to be offended, "You think you'd have given up this whole loathing charade by now."

"Nope," she replied stubbornly, "I will loathe you for the rest of my existence."

"Love you," he breathed, gently placing a hand on her swollen belly.

"Yeah?" she responded cheekily, "Well, I absolutely abhor you."

**A/N: Yay! I actually finished! I had to leave for a week for a babysitting escapade about halfway into writing this, so if you notice a change in writing style... that's why. (I swear I've watched enough Franklin over the week to warrant brain damage...) If you haven't heard the song, then I hope you enjoyed the little surprise. All you 'Wicked' fans out there... well, I hope you liked the fact that I used a 'Wicked' song.**

**I left out the students singing to Galinda because there's really no point in including it...**

**(1)- This is actually a set of lyrics from the song. I thought they would work well as Lily's thoughts, though.**

**(2)- The ending of the song. I couldn't resist adding it.**

**Well, this is the first time I've written anything in ages so please, please, **_**please**_** leave me some feedback. I'm leaving again for another week this Sunday so please don't be offended if I don't respond to one of your respondable reviews right away. Yes, my artist license gives me the right to invent words.**

**Anyways, plenty of green face paint for anyone who reviews!**


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